Steven Green, LCSW
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Reentering the World may be Fraught with Questions and Worry, and That is Okay.

5/20/2021

 
​As we enter a new phase of the Covid-19 pandemic, many people feel pressure to return to their pre-pandemic life. Yet despite recent changes in CDC guidelines, reentering the world is fraught with questions and worry. What if I am not ready? Am I alone in feeling this way? It seems like everyone is so excited about being amongst people again. Is there something wrong with me that I am not?
 
It is important to remember nothing is wrong with being anxious to return to “normal life.” This past year has been a traumatic experience for many of us.  We were forced to change our life on a dime. One day we were at our offices, talking to coworkers, taking the subway, going to the movies, having indoor play-dates for our children, and seeing friends. In other words, we were living our lives. Suddenly, that all stopped, and we had to start questioning whether behaviors that we once treated as normal were still safe.  Every day recommendations about how to behave in this new Covid world seemed to shift and with it the way we conducted our lives and interacted with others. 
 
With each shift, our nervous system had to adjust to the changing reality. For many of us, this continual need to figure out what was safe put us in a perpetual state of fight, flight, or freeze. Our bodies, our nervous systems, were reacting as if we were under continuous attack.  If we let our guard down, we were uncertain what would happen. Every new bit of information was processed as dangerous. Even now, as the danger has begun to pass, our bodies do not know how to channel this additional information. Our bodies don’t know how to find a new state of equilibrium. 
 
Despite the pressure, it is essential to remember that it is okay and necessary to process these new developments.  One way to allow your body to adjust to the recent changes is to expose yourself to the world again slowly. Reentry will look different for everyone.  Find the things that make you anxious. Each person will have their unique concerns. Some people may fear being outside maskless, while others may be nervous about riding the subway again. 
 
For example, if you are nervous about riding the train again, you can take small steps to let yourself adjust to even being around the subway again. Each person will have to gauge their level of discomfort, but it could look like something as simple as first allowing yourself to go down the stairs to the subway station but not going down to the platform or train. If you feel okay with that, perhaps the next time you try going on the platform but not the train. It is vital that at each phase, you are honest with yourself about how you feel. It is okay to repeat a step. The purpose is to help you find a feeling of safety once again. 
 

Remember, you are not alone.  Each one of us is going through this. If you need help adjusting or someone to help process these changes, do not hesitate to seek professional help.

Welcome to My New Office, Your Living Room

8/4/2020

 
A therapist's office is a sacred space. We, therapists, work hard to make sure that our offices feel like a personal reflection of who we are, while also providing a sense of calm and safety for our patients. I still remember walking into my office for the first time and knowing that this is a place that I could make my professional home. Each day I would walk into my office, look around, and feel a particular pride in my workspace. I would show up to my office every day, sit in my chair, and wait for my patients to arrive, and hope that I could make a difference.
 
My patients each had their unique ways of entering the space and making it their own. Some patients would arrive super early and read the months-old magazines that sat in the waiting room while others rushed into the office right before the session. In each case, they all found ways to settle into the space to feel safe during the therapeutic process. For some, it was the only place where they metaphorically, and for some literally, could let their hair down. As they entered my office, I often saw their bodies relax. We would spend the next 45 minutes collaborating and doing the work of therapy. Suddenly, in the middle of March, the pandemic hit, and that safe space was ripped away from us: therapist and patient. 
 
Our homes are now our therapy space.  So how do we make the most out of this change? How do we make the most out of our new therapy offices?
 
The first thing, and perhaps the most important, is to make sure you have a place to talk that you feel comfortable. Creating that area may take some creativity. Privacy and space is a commodity in NYC, so it may be hard to find the place that you feel the most freedom to talk. It may be a bedroom, where you can shut the door and be away from others; for some, it may be a closet.  It could even be a bathroom if that is the only spot where you feel comfortable and have the most privacy.  The key is to make sure it is where you feel like you can be your most authentic self. 
 
Now that you have found a place to have your session, it is essential to get into the right mindset for therapy. Just as we each have our rituals to make the therapy office like our own, it is vital to create new routines for doing therapy at home.
 
I start my workday doing a quick mindfulness exercise. It may be helpful to do one before your session as well. One practice would be to sit with your feet on the ground with your eyes closed. Now, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.  Try to be present to your breathing and how your body feels as you breathe in and out. Your mind may wander, but try to bring it back to your breath without judging yourself for allowing your mind to wander. 
 
Another thing I do is visualize a place that allows me to feel relaxed. Visualization helps calm my mind and body. For me, that place is often my office, but at other times it is a serene creek in the middle of the Catskills. You must find that space for yourself. 
 
This brings us to the session itself. It is crucial to be open with your therapist about what it is like for you to do therapy at home. Doing therapy at home can bring up different feelings that you may not experience at your therapist's office. It may even bring up feelings of resentment for your therapist for allowing that space to be torn away from you. It is important to explore whatever comes up for you with your therapist, even if it unpleasant.
 
Just as you are doing your session at home, so too are your therapists. While we are all doing our best to ensure we provide a tranquil environment and minimize distractions, the realities of life may not always provide for that. It may mean that you may find out aspects of your therapists' world that you usually may not be privy to, such as hearing your therapist's kids or pets in the background. This, too, can arouse feelings, such as a new sense of closeness, or create resentment that the therapist can't keep their lives to themselves. It may also bring up feelings from the past and about your own home life. Again it is vital to the therapeutic process for you to share your experience during sessions.  
 
Doing therapy at home also has its benefits. It allows you to show parts of yourself to your therapist that you may not be able to while in their office. Is there something in your house that you have always wanted to share with your therapist but couldn't? Now is your chance to show them. This is your opportunity to welcome your therapist into your world in a way not usually possible. 
 
Conducting therapy at home is a new experience for all of us. The key to making it work is openness and honesty about how you feel. It is also important to remember that we are all adjusting to this new experience together and that you aren't alone in this struggle.
 
If you are interested in therapy, please email me at [email protected] or call me at (646) 780-0564 to schedule an appointment. 

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

10/17/2019

 
​In this day and age of social media, it's hard not to compare your life to the lives you see on your screen. Whether it is social media "influencers," or even our closet friends, we are impacted by what we expose ourselves to daily. Intellectually, we all know that social media posts are only a fraction of a person's life. We remind ourselves that our friends' posts are as manicured as ours are. Yet, despite that, we so often are left with a twinge of envy. Why is it that we keep finding ourselves getting jealous? Why do we compare our real life to their "fake" ones? 
 
It is normal to compare yourself to those around you. For many, comparing themselves to others can even be advantageous. Comparison, jealousy, just like most things in life, isn't good or evil.  If used to motivate, to inspire, drawing parallels with those around you can be beneficial, but what if that comparison leaves you feeling inadequate. 
 
Teddy Roosevelt once wrote, "Comparison is the thief of joy." This quote is something I think about often when I am in session. Every day I hear stories of how people don't feel like they are enough. They feel like they can't compete with their peers and question if they should show up at all. 
 
How do we fight this constant feeling of not stacking up? Here are three ideas that you can implement in your daily life:
 
1.    Mindfulness: It is easy to get swept up in comparing yourself to others and feel inferior. When you feel that pull first, take a few deep breaths in an out. Allow yourself to relax. It is important to remember to not judge yourself for comparing yourself to your peers. We can't control how we feel, but we can control how we act on those feelings. Take a few moments to be present to how you feel and think about what you want. Let the feelings of jealousy melt away. 
 
2.    Journal: Be present to what you do have. Take a few minutes every day to write down three things you feel lucky to have in your life. They can be accomplishments, people, or even belongings that you feel add to your life. By focusing on gratitude, you will train yourself to be less inclined to compare yourself to others. 
 
3.    The Journey: Remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has struggles, even those who we are most envious of.  We all have things in life we wish were different.  The journey of life is about being your best self in any given moment, not about being perfect. Try to enjoy the trip. 
 
If you need help on that journey, I hope you will let me be that help. Check out my website: Stevengreentherapy.com and schedule an appointment.

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